e-book A Perfect Love to Conquer Perfectionism

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Read "A Perfect Love to Conquer Perfectionism" by Jennifer Z. Wright available from Rakuten Kobo. Hear how a young woman bound by depression and.
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10 Steps To Conquer Perfectionism

Listed below are some practical tips for noticing, examining and then shifting how we manage our tendencies towards perfectionism:. Who was this? Most likely the answer that comes to mind will be tied to old ways or past hurts. Think about this. And then think about what your own real standard is. Make sure that this is something you can back up with evidence, and not some old pull that is from long ago. Clearly, there are plenty of people we need to please as we journey through life: bosses, spouses, friends, etc.

Looking deeper within to disentangle the old cords holding us to old standards is one of the keys to combating perfectionism. You can do this!! Your fear center lights up, so you delay the task until the last minute, when urgency takes you over. This is especially so if the project or task means a lot to you. For instance, if it reflects on your sense of self, or if it is a pet project.


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The point is, we have to learn to live with that. Because you'll procrastinate anyway. So learn to make your procrastination work for you.

A Perfect Love to Conquer Perfectionism by Jennifer Z. Wright | NOOK Book (eBook) | Barnes & Noble®

So that you enjoy yourself or sharpen your skills, rather than beat yourself up and spiral into anxiety. Designing your procrastination is the ultimate win-win. Ask yourself, 1.

What can I do to chill or relax? Or reward myself. Chances are, as a perfectionist, you've been working hard on other things anyway 2. What skill can I begin or sharpen? The time will pass anyway. You decide what you want to do with it-- feel like crap about yourself, or feel great and productive. Because ultimately we have to trust ourselves that life is what happens when we procrastinate.

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That like excellent wine, our ideas are fermenting inside us. If we can achieve perfection, then we will be happy. Or would we? Perfection is not easily attainable if at all. When we fall short of being perfect, we are sad. This sadness can continue and move into depression and also cause anxiety.

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We again try for perfection to settle the depression, but we fall short again and the depression deepens. Anxiety begins to creep in as we seek to control our world and make it perfect. It is a vicious circle. The more we try to meet perfection the deeper the depression and anxiety. We want the perfection to fight off the depression and anxiety but, the perfection is feeding the depression and anxiety. The craving to be perfect, depression and anxiety can be overcome and you can stop the vicious downward circle.

A 40 year client of mine had worked the same job for 20 years.


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Her boss retired and closed the business. My client found another job doing the same thing for another company. She began having anxiety attacks and was crying at the end of the day. During discussion with her she stated she felt she had to be perfect at her job. The idea that she did not know everything and could do everything was making her anxious and depressed. After discussion on how we need time to learn new procedures and to give herself time to adjust to the new environment, she realized she did not need to be perfect. People do make mistakes and that is how we learn. Her anxiety and depression lessened and she began to enjoy herself again.

Become aware of your need to be perfect and be kind of yourself and not set that expectation—set your expectations at a reasonable level. You can overcome the perfectionism, depression and anxiety and lead a happier life. Mental health professionals can greatly assist you in this area.

How am I performing at work? Am I good enough for that promotion?

How to Stop Perfectionism From Plaguing Your Life

Am I dedicating enough time to my friends and family? No one wants to let other people down or perform poorly, which is why these expectations can be stressful. Any mistake feels like a failure because facing the disappointment of others feels so uncomfortable. Yet, there is a problem with this approach. The instructor asked a question to the class. I raised my hand and gave my answer. I could feel my face flushing. I was humiliated by my public display of stupidity and resolved not to raise my hand again.

Then, the student sitting next to me raised his hand and gave his answer. In that moment I realized that I could free myself to learn much more if I was not afraid to be wrong. Years later, I became a graduate instructor myself and I noticed a concerning pattern. Some students would be upset if they received a single point deduction.

I began to ask them about the meaning behind their disappointment. In the classroom you can make many small errors in the class and still earn an A. It is not bad to hold high standards. In fact, it can be helpful. It is not possible to live life without making mistakes since that is part of what makes us human. If we must make mistakes, then let us be kind to ourselves as we make them. This is a courageous stance to take in life. It takes courage to accept that you are not perfect, courage to accept your mistakes, and courage to embrace them.

So live your life courageously and have the courage to be imperfect. December 27, Know your core values. Loren Norris PsychologyToday.

Practice indifference to the standards and opinions of others. The pursuit of perfection is not one new to human kind.

So then, how to you practice indifference?